<<cue lights, music>>
ANNOUNCER: Some say it’s the hardest profession around. Some say, “Those who can’t do, teach.” Well, we’re about to find out what teachers are made of.
<<visual: montage of teachers in classrooms>>
ANNOUNCER: We’ve gathered teachers from all across the nation to test their skills against one another. Each week they’ll face a new challenge. Each week we’ll have one teacher make the honor roll, and one…will be EXPELLED. All of them are competing for the chance to prove themselves and become…
<<cue title sequence>>
ANNOUNCER: TOP Teacher! Our winner will enjoy a $50 Starbucks card, a case of sticky notes and a 32-pack of Flair pens. And now, here’s your host: Movie teacher icon Ben Stein from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
<<cut to Ben Stein in the TEACHER’S LOUNGE, addressing contestants>>
BEN STEIN: Welcome, teachers, to the Teacher’s Lounge. This is where you’ll get a chance to be with one another, and it’s also where you’ll get your assignment for the day. After each challenge, the teachers with the highest and lowest ratings on our evaluation scale will be sent to The Principal’s Office. One of you will be chosen for the honor roll, and one of you…
BEN STEIN:…will be EXPELLED. And now? Let’s have our first roll call.
<<cut to each contestant>>
FRAN: Fran Greeley from Davenport Iowa. I’m a 29-year veteran teacher of fifth graders. Been there, done that!
BECCA: Heyyy, Becca Smith, student teacher from Portland, Oregon. I’m soo excited to be here!
DENISE: Denise Williams, eighth grade math teacher from Springfield, Illinois. I’ve seen it all, my friends.
KEN: Hey, I’m Ken Wang, second grade teacher from Miami Florida. Bring the heat!
SARAH: I’m Sarah Goldenrod, a kindergarten teacher from New York City. We kindergarten teachers can do anything!
DANA: I’m Dana Frost, high school performing arts teacher from Phoenix, Arizona. If anyone can handle the drama, it’s me!
BEN STEIN: And now, for today’s challenge. Better start taking notes.
<<walks to chalkboard>>
<<cut to contestants, who take out notebooks and pencils>>
<<cut back to BEN STEIN, who begins writing>>
BEN STEIN: You’re a fourth-grade teacher in a suburban school. 46% of your students have access to electronic devices and the internet at home. Your district, in response to state mandates, has just shifted to at-home learning. Develop a differentiated lesson plan for your students. You have sixty minutes. Your time starts…NOW.
<<cue school bell ringing>>
<<cut to contestants, agog and aghast>>