Read the prompt.
Paste it into a new document.
Stare at a blinking cursor for three minutes.
Ponder your life choices.
Open a new tab.
Play a number puzzle.
Remind yourself your work isn’t going to write itself.
Think about other stuff you’ve written that maybe comes close.
Open allll those other documents.
Find about twenty words’ worth of usable content.
Paste it in.
Congratulate yourself on a job well done with a break.
Go pet the dog.
Clean the kitchen. Where did all these crumbs come from?
Get back to work. You’re not helping yourself here, you know.
Spend three minutes locating your ear buds.
Spend another two minutes choosing just the right playlist.
Re-open the laptop.
Stare at the cursor for another two minutes.
Decide that maybe you just need to talk it out.
Spend the next ten minutes word-vomiting using dictation.
Realize you’ve just provided yourself with about four usable thoughts.
Spend ten minutes wordsmithing.
Add more thoughts.
Spend another ten minutes wordsmithing.
Realize that none of this gets to the heart of what you want to say.
Sit and think for seven minutes.
FIND THE HEART!
Write furiously for twenty minutes.
Spend thirty minutes rearranging your work.
Throw out half of it in the process.
Read it aloud to your kid.
Take his suggestions. They’re good ones.
Close your laptop.
Promise you won’t look at it again until tomorrow.
Tell your friends you’re proud of yourself for not overthinking.
Start overthinking.
Look at it again.
Decide you still like it.
Close your laptop.
Ask yourself if you should look at it once more before tomorrow, just in case.
Steel yourself. Discipline, Lainie. DISCIPLINE.
Wake up.
Read again.
Let. the. thing. GO.
Soapbox: The Way I see Things 
Oh my gosh, you’ve nailed it haha. I loved finding the ear buds and then locating JUST the right music… I fall into that trap so many times when I’m trying to focus on writing. And man, does my kitchen (bathrooms/bedrooms/whatever) get super clean when I’m avoiding my laptop…
RIGHT? I mean, I’d like to think it’s part of the process, of percolating ideas and letting them surface when they’re ready. But BOY, is my refrigerator clean right now.
I love this “how to”! I do a lot of these steps (oh, how familiar they were! And here I thought I was the only one!), but I’m sure I can pick up some new tips for even better writing (I mean procrastinating). I loved this because it rang so true for me: “Find about twenty words’ worth of usable content. Paste it in. Congratulate yourself on a job well done with a break.” I also loved how “find the heart” was in all caps–and that after that, all the writing fell into place. True writing advice.
Thanks, Natasha. I feel like finding the heart of things is so central to my process. A lot of times I’m just trying to sort through what I want to say, only to have one important idea or image lend a spark. I think it’s also why I’m not the type of person to start writing early on; I’m more likely to think on things until something comes to inspire me.
This is priceless, Lainie! The self-talk is on point. All writers can relate to the back and forth (literally and figuratively) in your story. This struggle is real…especially this past week, as I’ve decided to join you all on this wild ride called the Slice of Life Story Challenge. Thank you for the humor and the heartache — I felt every word! I am sure whatever literary masterpiece is birthed as a result of today’s “agony” will be well-worth the wait! Big red HEART emoji here!
Thanks, Giovanna. I appreciate your kind words. And yes, I feel like I’m definitely not alone as a writer here. I don’t know that my writing was a literary masterpiece, but it was for something I care about, so I guess that’s what matters.
Here’s to plugging our way through and hopefully learning something new in the process. =)
This is the perfect plan for writing anything. Of course, on my list number 1 is always – procrastinate. Maybe with get a cup of coffee and pet the cat(s).
Absolutely. And if your cat is anything like my dog, there will be paws on the keyboard before the project is through.
Ahh! This was great! Tense, rushed, so in the moment and so inside your head. I loved the time spent searching for the right playlist 😄
Thanks! I take my music very seriously. I know my students do, as well. There are certain classes that require specific artists or “vibes” for their work.
I had to do a double take with your title- 45 easy steps, ha ha! So I was totally hooked and traveling that path right there with you. Your list format works perfectly to tell your story. You reminded me of a college professor friend of mine who, when writing comments for student papers, found herself cleaning her stovetop with a toothpick. Your humor shines through this piece- its a gem.
Ha! I was going for the nod to clickbait, Fran, so I’m glad my strategy worked!
As for the college professor friend, I’m sure I could crowdsource a whole post about the strangest things people have found themselves doing in the name of procrastination.
And…thanks for your kind words. I like it when the humor hits. =)