Sometimes, kids at school reach out to me. Some give me puzzles to do, others ask me to buy Girl Scout Cookies or read their stories. This time, a student wrote an email that broke my heart, just a little. I found them in the hallway yesterday and told them I need time to think about all the beautiful and thoughtful questions they asked before responding back.
But I still feel the need to acknowledge their words. I’m carrying this kid with me. Perhaps you recognize either yourself or another kid here. My hope is, next week, I’ll have a poem to offer in response.
Dear Mrs. Levin,
you say education
is about getting the right questions
and not the right answers
but
then
why does my mom
get mad at me
for getting my math problems wrong?
because
she is smart
and I think I am smart
but I’m not
smart like her
she says
smart people can do ANYTHING
they want,
that they deserve good things in the world
and I have a choice:
to be someone important like a judge
and make lots of money
or
just be a clerk at a store
she asks
who do I want to be?
and
I want to be smart,
I want to make money
and do all the things my mom tells me
smart people
like her
do with their lives
but whatif
if have right questions
and not any right answers?
Can ANYONE ever have
the right questions
if they NEVER
have any right answers?
Soapbox: The Way I see Things 
My heart is aching for this kid. I can tell they want to do their personal best, but that doesn’t seem good enough for mom. Oye oye oye.
I know you’ll respond with kindness and will be supportive. So glad this child has you in their life.
Agreed. I really feel for this kid. I know it’s a hazard of the profession, all the “taking kids home in our back pocket” and all.
Strange, isn’t it, how I can be a teacher for-EV-er and still feel the same way. Hopefully that means I’m not done yet. =)
How sad and what pressure that poor child is under. I echo what Stacey said. I know that with your compassion you will come up with some encouraging words for this child.
I will. Sometimes words are tricky, though. As I mentioned, I found the kid in the hallway to tell them how much their words and questions meant to me, and that I needed time to process and respond meaningfully. There aren’t really any RIGHT words, but hopefully there will be comforting ones.
this is so powerful, and proves that kids are very perceptive. parents don’t always know the impact of their words – mom is frustrated since she gets the problem quickly and probably has a knack for math. but the child thinks they are dumb.. so hard
Kids are SO perceptive. It’s one of the reasons I get out of bed each day. The relationships I have with them are so earnest and sincere. I only wish many of the grown-ups around me had the same capacity. And I can’t tell if the child thinks they’re dumb, or if they just worry they won’t be able to make anything of themselves if they don’t do well at school. Like you said…SO hard.
I am glad she has you, Lainie, someone who can obviously be trusted with the feelings that torment. I hope that just knowing she’s been heard, been able to share what’s disturbing her, and that you’re there in her corner, her champion, will make all the difference.
Thanks, Trish. I’m honestly not sure what spurred this student to confide in me, but I sure am grateful she did!
I read your slice earlier and wanted to respond on my phone, but I actually teared up in the process! Your student is sharing the hard and strong feelings of so many that success is measured in perfection, accomplishments and achievements. Sigh. It is not, as you know. This student, well all your students, are lucky to have you in their circle of trust.
Thanks, Anita. The first time I read this email, I was at home, and I had to close my laptop and walk away. The sheer emotion of it struck me, deeply. And this kid is just one of many I know struggling with feelings of not being good enough, not being smart enough, not being…ENOUGH. We can only do what we can, but I’ll do what I can. =)
Oh, my. How do you answer this one?
Oh, Leigh Ann. I wish I knew. I’m still working on that. I mentioned above, there are no RIGHT words, but hopefully I’ll find words that are at least comforting, or validating, or helpful.
To be handed a beating heart. You are performing open heart surgery–the kind that repairs and restores the rhythm. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks. You know, I think about how often we hold one another’s hearts in our hands, how often we have the chance to support someone’s well-being in our presence and our response. I mean, I know how often I have been upheld and validated by others. I can only hope to do the same…
Wow. You can feel the pressure in that note. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful.
Indeed. It’s awesome, in the truest sense.